When All the Pieces Start to Fit

As I described in my previous post, I've been struggling with my writing and questioning my purpose in life. For a long time, I've felt like I'm wandering, not really sure where I'm going, and feeling lost, but I think the fog is lifting.

I don't think I would have been comfortable sharing this on a blog even six months ago. I don't discuss this kind of stuff with just anyone, but I think it's time to start embracing this part of myself. And, I believe that anyone who ends up finding this post and this blog will do so because they were divinely guided in some way, so here it goes.

A couple of years ago, I read one of Sonia Choquette's books: Ask Your Guides: Connecting to Your Divine Support Systemand while reading it, I "met" one of my guardian angels. The experience was pretty amazing. I was sitting outside on a warm sunny day and I closed my eyes. I asked for a sign from my guardian angel to let me know if he/she was there.

A moment later, I felt a surge of energy, a warm tingling sensation under my chin and over my cheeks, like someone cupping my face. It was followed by a wave of goosebumps up and down my spine. What a rush!

I wasn't sure if it was just my mind playing tricks on me because nothing like this had ever happened to me before, so I asked this angel to touch one of my arms. Immediately, a warm sensation tingled on my arm. Then I asked him/her to touch my other arm, then one of my legs, and the tingling sensation materialized in each area. It brought tears to my eyes, and in that moment, the energy was so pure and loving that I I knew without a doubt that I was experiencing contact with one of my divine guides.

I wanted to learn more about angels communication so I headed off to the book store where I found a set of angel oracle cards, by Doreen Virtue. I began doing readings for myself and for a couple of close friends. The results were always on the money, and sometimes uncannily so. I also loved doing readings because I would often get that surge of tingling energy alerting me that my guides were indeed present.

For a while, too, I was bombarded by signs from my guardian angel--signs at first to let me know that he would be identified as Joseph, and then, almost daily signs to let me know he was close by. But then, somewhere down the line, I stopped being aware of the signs, and I stopped communicating with my guides.

This wasn't a conscious thing--it was mostly due to life getting in the way and stealing my focus. But then, I met a few people who were dealing with personal issues, and I felt drawn to them--felt drawn to share my own experiences with angels and divine signs.

Sometimes, out of the blue, I would think of someone whom I hadn't talked to for a while and fire off an email--I'm not much of a phone person--and they would say how I always seemed to pop up for them when they really needed to talk. Over the past few years, I've had more than one person refer to me as their angel.

So, let's speed things up--about a year ago, I decided to order more oracle cards since I seemed to have a knack with them. Since then, I've had the message over and over again that I should look into the healing arts. I would get cards that say I have an affinity with oracle cards, crystals, that my purpose in life is being a counselor and sending divine light into the world, being a healer, an author, that I am an environmentalist, that I need to be working with animals and children...so on and so on.

At the time, it really didn't resonate, probably because of my own fears and doubts. I just couldn't see it, so I brushed it away. Meanwhile, I was continually going through energy highs and lows. In the back of my mind, I would wonder why am I here? What is my purpose? The only thing I knew without doubt was that one of my purposes was being a wife and a mom, and making sure my son grows up in a stable, loving, and happy home. Yet, there was always that little feeling that I was missing something.

Then, a few weeks ago, I went to see the documentary Revolution, by Rob Stewart. To see the destructive consequences that human greed and apathy is having on our planet and oceans, well, it shook me to the core, actually made me feel ashamed to be human.

After we left the theatre, I kept thinking, what can I do to make a difference? Because I know I am part of the problem. I mean, sure I've always done what I can to recycle and things like that, but there are so many other things I could be doing to help save our planet. I went through a few days of feeling distraught, angry, and powerless. Then, I checked in with Doreen Virtue's weekly oracle card readings. The synchronistic message made my jaw drop.

Here it is, for anyone interested:

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EmbGfTULkQ0

It specified how the angels and other beings will not let us destroy the planet. It also reminded me of how important it is to let go of the need to try to control things, to remain positive and send out healing energy into the world. I remembered the importance of trusting that everything will be okay, that when things seem to be falling apart it, it often means they are falling into place. It was as if I had woken up again, and a few days later, I came across the following at Doreen Virtue's website:

"You are a lightworker if you: feel called to heal others; want to resolve the world's social and environmental problems; believe that spiritual methods can heal any situation; have had mystical experiences, such as psychic premonitions or angelic encounters; have endured harsh life experiences that eroded the knowledge of your Divine perfection; want to heal your own life as a first step in healing the world; feel compelled to write, teach, or counsel about your healing experiences, or feel a sense of time urgency to fulfill your mission before you know that you are here for a higher purpose, or even if you are unsure what it is or how to fulfill it."

Here is the page where I found this:  http://www.angeltherapy.com/article12.php

I had read this page before, but when I read it this time, it was as if everything crystallized. All the puzzle pieces fit together and something resonated deep within me: I realized that I am a Lightworker. And, I honestly don't know why it took me such a long time to figure that out.

I sort of had the same epiphany a few months back, but the encompassing term Lightworker had not entered the equation. I simply thought that perhaps I had an affinity with angels and oracle cards and that I should delve deeper into it, but I didn't see the big picture. Or, maybe I didn't want to really own it because I was afraid.

So, I ordered Doreen's book: The Lightworker's Way: Awakening Your Spiritual Power to Know and Healand it just came in a couple days ago. *Squee*

I have no idea how I'm going to go about all this, and I am scared, but I know that I am being drawn toward this road. I also know that I want to use writing as a tool. Being a writer is just part of my path, and I'm hoping that with this new focus, it will become easier. But I'm not going to stress it. I'm going to ask my guides to help me along and trust that things will happen the way they are meant to.

Thinking back on all of it now, I realize that I've actually been discovering little pieces of myself all along, but for the first time I feel like I'm actually getting a glimpse of who I am as a whole and at my core, finally seeing how all the pieces of me fit together. :)

Sooo, before I lose anyone that's still reading this, I will wrap this one up. Thanks for listening!

And what about you? Have you ever experienced moments with your divine guides? Please share!

Baring My Writerly Heart and Soul

I haven't been very good with the blogging thing lately. Honestly, most of the time, I don't feel I have anything remotely interesting to say. Lately, I haven't been writing either. Feel like something deep inside has seized up.

Every time I feel like I've broken down a wall, or have gained new insight as far as my writing goes, it only lasts for a few weeks, then everything slowly grinds to a halt again. I know that my creativity ebbs and flows, and I need time away from projects to let them simmer, but then I always have such difficulty getting back to them. 

I've always chalked it up to fears, but is it the fear of failure, or the fear of success? Honestly, I don't know. Sometimes I feel guilty about spending so much time on something that doesn't bring in a lot of income. Or I think, who the heck am I to think I could actually make it as a writer? And then I think what if I did? How would that change my life? And that thought is a very scary one, because change, although it can be wonderful, is also a very scary thing. So is the thought of being judged. 

So then I think, okay, I'm just going to write for me. Try to have fun again with my stories, not worry about making it perfect, but that is easier said than done. I am a huge perfectionist, and most times I will put something off rather than doing it "imperfectly," even though I know that there is no such thing as perfection and the idea of its pursuit is a impossible ideal. 

I've had sessions with an intuitive coach and she brought up the thought that maybe this fear of change is what is holding me back because she could sense that right now, my main focus is taking care of my family and making sure that my son has a stable and happy home, and that if I did become a successful writer, it might take me away from home.

I have to admit, this idea does resonate like truth, but still, why can't I simply write for the pure pleasure and fun of it? I don't need to submit anything more than poetry or short stories right now. Maybe I simply need to be more disciplined, but even that seems so elusive to me. 

Then, there is the other thought, that I am simply not on the right path, and that maybe I should just let it go. Stick to writing haiku and ask my angels and my guides to show me what is my path, then look for signs. 

I'm not one to usually talk about these kinds of things on a public forum such as this. I always try to focus on the positive and try to brush these feelings aside, but I'm hoping that if I really bare my heart and soul here, it will bring on some kind of insight. Or if nothing else, at least it means I wrote SOMETHING. :)

What about you guys? Do you wonder about your path? Are you on the right one, or feel like you're still searching? How do you handle it all? 

Another Article Under my Belt!

I turned in another article for PawNation last week, worked on a rewrite, and resubmitted on Monday. This time my references were all okay except for one, and my key concepts and section headers were all fine, too. I was pleased about that! The biggest issue in the rewrite was that my intro was not strong enough and I needed to add a bit more detail throughout the rest of the article.

I was thrilled that the rewrite was accepted, and I checked my profile at Demand Media Studios and realized it's already up! Here is the link if anyone is interested in reading it: 

What Kinds of Animals Have Ultrasonic Hearing?

Although it's been a huge learning curve as far as working with the Demand Media work desk and guidelines, I feel I am really honing my writing skills, and I absolutely love researching topics, too. The most challenging thing so far has been in citing references. I need to figure out a better process so that I'm not going back and forth so much between the article and my research material. I'll get there though, I'm sure. 

In the last couple of weeks, I've also had a couple haiku accepted over at A Hundred Gourds. They will be appearing in their June issue! Yay!

Today, I also worked on getting a submission ready for Highlights for Children. I also noticed the date today, which is the 27th. For quite a while now, I keep noticing the numbers 11 and 27 EVERYWHERE! It's gotten to a point that it's kind of freaky...lol. They often come up together, too, which makes it even freakier! 

I should probably mention that they are also my birthdate, November 27th. :)

Anyhow, they are both numbers that symbolize and encourage positive thinking so I've decided that as much as possible, I'm going to try to get submissions ready on the 11th and 27th of each month. I'm hoping that it will infuse them with positive energy. I'm curious to see if it will help bring in more acceptances. 

I will keep you all posted on how that goes!

What about all of you, do you have any lucky numbers, or numbers that you notice a lot? If so, I can even look them up for you and see what they mean. I have a little number book here by Doreen Virtue. 

Winter Blahs

March break is over. I should be feeling relaxed and ready to jump back into things, but I'm feeling soooo distracted. Not sure if it's because I didn't do my yoga last week, or because I didn't listen to my meditation tracks, but my energy level feels very low. I even nodded off for a bit while listening to my meditation track this morning...sheesh.

With winter on its way out, I know that soon, spring's rejuvenating energies will be at work, so I'm hoping that the quiet, nesting energy I'm feeling right now is just part of the cycle.

I know that when we turn the clocks ahead, it always throws me off for a few days, too. Hmmmm, I should probably go take my B-12 vitamin. Can't hurt, right?

How about all of you? Where are your energy levels right now? Are you in a quiet, nesting mode, or ready to jump into new projects? And if you're up to sharing, I'd love to know what projects you have in the works!

My article is up!

The article I wrote for PawNation (through Demand Studios) is up! Yay!

Reptiles that Use their Tails as Defenses

First Freelance Article Accepted!

I am happy to report that the article I was working on for Demand Media Studios has been accepted! I received my editor's initial feedback on Thursday. I had not formatted the references correctly, and the article needed a bit of paring down and some tightening up.

For anyone considering applying to Demand Media Studios, be prepared as their is a big learning curve. They want to make sure they only put out high-quality writing so their guidelines are specific and detailed. Reference sources must also be reliable and trust-worthy. They also follow the AP Stylebook.

For your first three assignments you are paired with a Senior Editor that coaches you through and that was extremely helpful. The editorial comments were detailed but I have to admit I was more than a little overwhelmed with the entire process. Luckily there is a general forum for new writers where you can go and ask questions, and everyone is friendly and helpful.

I worked hard on my rewrite and I put myself in the frame of mind that if the article wasn't accepted, I wouldn't be upset because I felt that I had learned so much and I would be better equipped for the next assignment. I've often shied away from writing nonfiction for magazines because I had no clue how to handle references, so this experience and opportunity has been and will continue to be a wonderful benefit all the way around.

And, I had nothing to worry about anyways because it was accepted!!! My editor had great comments and said my article was well-researched and informative. I am so psyched! When it goes live, I will let you all know.

I am thrilled for the opportunity to be a Demand Media Studios writer and look forward to gaining more freelance experience!

A Fabulous February so Far!

Okay, I can't believe it's been almost two weeks since my last post! Most of that time has been spent working on the freelancing opportunity I got through Demand Media Studios. I finally finished all the reading material, claimed my first assignment, which I turned in this morning.

Oh my gosh, I am so nervous about it! I am such a perfectionist and I could have kept tweaking and reworking it until the cows came home...lol. Finally had to hit send and now am just waiting to hear back from my editor. Listen closely and you'll probably hear my knees knocking. ;)

I have to say though that I really enjoy writing nonfiction, absolutely LOVE the research part. I've always loved learning new things and probably always will. I like to think of myself as a perpetual student! 

Also had a few bits of good news over the last two weeks, got an acceptance for a short story I submitted to knowonder! and had a haiku accepted at Acorn. I was quite pleased with the haiku acceptance since this is only the second I've had accepted there (Acorn is tough nut to crack...pun TOTALLY intended...hehehe) and this one was from the new editor, who I have to say, seems REALLY nice. 

The really funny thing is though, that she accepted the one haiku that I threw in to round up my submission to five. It's one that I had sent out a few times to other journals but never made it through to publication. Anyhow, it just goes to show how subjective the whole editorial process really is. 

And of course, I am thrilled about the short story acceptance as well. Hadn't submitted any short stories in a long time so it felt really good to get that news. I hope the story appears on the website, too. If it does, I'll make sure to post the link. 

So all in all, February is shaping up to be a GREAT month! What about you guys, any happy things to share for February?